We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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