When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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