I cannot find my penis.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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