You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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