The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
