remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
