so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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