its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
