I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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