So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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