I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
