so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
