apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We don't watch enough power rangers
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
