she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
