Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
