I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He? As in you personified your dick?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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