i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
