i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You left your phone here
Wait...
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