The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
