Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
