I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
