just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
