Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
