All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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