Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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