Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
