p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
