i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
