you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
