Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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