who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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