I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
