I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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