Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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