well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
