I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize