Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
