i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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