no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
