Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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