Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
