when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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