I'm really into asian looking animals
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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