DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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