I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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