Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize