I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
