I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just gargled with NyQuil
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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