i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
