the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
