he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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