dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
