Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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