he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
