HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
