Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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