Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
