I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
