to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
