Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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