I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
