You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
