Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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