no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
