My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
