please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
