Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
