I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize