I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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